By A.R. Luria.
In other news, yesterday was a rather bad day for me. A day to forget. Failed driving test. May now consider a visit to the dentist and driving test to be equals in terms of misery and torment unfairly meted out. Had to message the unpleasant truth many times, came to school, had to voice out my situation objectively. Try doing that when you always prided yourself on liking cars for what they truly are. But still won’t beat yesterday, felt like the most useless person, my self esteem took a severe beating, not that now I’m back to normal, but it’s better after having the sun set and then rise on you again.
Finally managed to know about Oliver Sacks’ respected Professor Luria. Neuropsychology. At first while reading the book couldn’t imagine how forgetting what you just thought of would feel like. But the victim did a marvelous job of explaining matters, that now I think I can relate slightly. Like how when you hold something in your mind so that you can bring it up to your friend later on, but when later on comes, it’s just not there anymore. Just that his is worse, because it’s like his thoughts are playing hide and seek with him. One moment it’s there, the next moment it’s gone. Would feel pretty messed up. My head is screwing itself up. More importantly, I wouldn’t really want to continue anymore. What’s the point, when the very centre of your existence is not itself anymore and you can’t even hold on to your own identity for more than a fleeting moment.
What if I forget who I am and never ever remember? Maybe that would be better because then, I wouldn’t even know that I have forgotten. Better than knowing one moment, not knowing the next, and spending the next moment in misery knowing that you forgot something.
And this, is the power of the mind.